mom's in the philippines. her eldest brother passed away. atleast she's in company of family and my older brother especially.  i miss him. he's coming back to visit in december. he'll get to see me at work for the first time.  work's going pretty good.  it's fun to teach them young'ns and i'm getting better at dancing and choreography at the same time.  school's pretty easy.  i miss a lot of days, im late a lot and i'm still managing to pull off a 3.6.  senior... oh boy.  we had a cap and gown assembly today... graduation's coming closer and closer.  i kind of want out already but i know im going to miss certain things.  life goes on. i just feel like its going on too fast and too much is going on. but im healthy, cared for, just blessed. my main focuses right now are graduating, kinections, hollywood music (work), advance dance team, intermediate dance team, and my own personal life... haha. sometimes i feel i dont have one. but i love what i'm doing... so yea, what i'm doing is my life. redundant, tangent, reiterate.... i dont even know if i spelled those right, but i used those words today. haha. oh wow. i have stuff to do... i miss my mom already, she just left yesterday....

learning how to fly on my own. "you're beautiful, inside and out... well, atleast i think so... should that matter the most?" walk down memory lane and i trip and fall flat on my face. beautiful thoughts = beautiful life... dont even think about the other possibilities.

SEASONS

when people hear they word seasons they most probably think of the four... winter, spring, summer, and autumn. or possibly television shows or sports. it is very occasional to hear a person refer to a time in there life as a season though if mentioned it's not too strange. i believe i have come upon a new season in my life

with the great amount of expierences and changes that i have come to face during the past couple of years i feel i have grown to be a a new person physically, mentally, and spiritually. this isn't out of the norm considering that i'm going through adolesence and most if not all of my peers might feel exactly the same; yet many of us forget to reflect on not only the negatives that have resulted of this transformation but the good that's come out of it all.

physically i feel i have over come many of my weaknesses. major weight loss, strength, smarter choices, better outlook, no more asthma. =] . as a child i always struggles with asthma... i got teased for not being able to run so fast or for so long, or not wanting to play outside with everyone else. i remember someone (my dad if i remember correctly) once told me "don't jump or there will be an earthquake" but today he asks me to give him advice on how to stay healthier. in so many more ways i feel i have grown and matured physically.

all these positive physical changes have had a great impact on my mentality. my outlook on myself and life have come to be more positive one in comparison to my pesimistic past. i feel more confident to do what i want and need to do. i love to dance and i'd be great to make dancing my profession, but in the dance industry believing in yourself is a must. i have come to learn that a little more positivity and a little more confidence goes a long way.

this concept can also be applied to a spiritual sense.  i believe love is more a spiritual aspect than a mental one.  recently i have lost many yet gained more friendships and relationships. many of them remain the same, all the strong true friends that stand the test of time. also, i feel i have grown so close to my family. "i love you" used to be something i heard only from my parents and not too frequently at that.  now, i hear i love you after every conversation i have with my brother on the fone, or when i say bye to my sister, or even from a cousin, auntie, or uncle. i think "lola's" passing away has a lot to do with our new found appreciation to one another. also, i feel i have a greater understanding of my relationship with GOD. of course, (well as far as i believe) you'll never fully understand the almighty being but i know in my heart and in my soul he has revealed so much of who he is to me.

in conclusion i have learned that it is important to reflect on every season of your life. wether it be a horrible stormy one or a nice warm and comfortable time, it's part of who you are.

THERAPY: "remember you blessings and how many and how great they are when you feel sad... because you're beautiful, and great... and you are so blessed..." he told me over and over again. i love him for that.